The first step to falling in love
We all hear stories of people getting dumped but somehow it never hits us that it can happen to us.
"I am done "he told me as we stood on the middle of the road.
I had stormed out of the coffee shop, feeling absolutely helpless and confused about why we were ending all of it suddenly. After I yelled, abused and begged, he left me on the road and just walked away.
His last words were "I am sorry I did this to you suddenly, but I don't care anymore". I don't want to get into the difficult circumstances or a blame game, but all I could think of at that point was that I deserved an explanation . It was somehow the illusion that a "break-up" would be easier if it was done over a coffee and some kind words.
The next month was unbearable because I had lost my self-respect along with love. After he had cut all contact with me, I spent every night crying. I started getting treated for panic attacks and severe depression and there were days when I shamelessly leeched on to other people for excess validation and support. Some days I didn't even make it to work because it felt like I was carrying the world's burden on my shoulders.
Slowly, the helplessness turned to gloom. The sadness turned to anger towards the one who caused it. And the anger towards him started eating me up, but ultimately I ended up at a point where I was just really angry. I was angry with him but I was furious with myself.
I was angry with myself because I had let him treat me like that and when he left me and I realized that I was at a phase where I didn't have a lot of my friends in the same city. I didn't know who to speak to or what to do with myself. I realized that ultimately I was really terrified of being alone. ** I wasn't friends with myself.**
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship that you will ever nurture.
We grow up while leaning on to our siblings and parents, develop a good set of friends from whom we seek all validation and eventually end up becoming over-dependent on our spouses/romantic partners. This is probably why when he left me all alone, I started feeling lonely.
I was begging him to stay not because I loved him, but because I didn't love myself. I decided that the relationship that needed fixing was the one I had with myself.
For a while, I decided to cut down on communicating with the outside world excessively. I started spending more time with and on myself. It could be the small things like listening to music while staring at the stars or watching a movie alone or simply reading a book.
Or it could be the things that we are terrified of doing. Like walking into a nice restaurant with a beautiful dress and having dinner alone. No, not with your mobile phone or laptop or a book in hand that are often used to conceal the "shame" of eating dinner alone. Just enjoying a delicious meal in your own company. The idea of taking a solo trip and doing the things that I always wanted to struck me and I slowly started understanding that nobody can complete you. They can only compliment you.
You are a complete person all by yourself and you need to understand this before getting into any relationship. We all hear stories of people getting dumped but somehow it never hits us that it can happen to us. It doesn't have to.
If you think that you don't want to get dumped, work on your relationship. Not just the relationship with your partner or friends, but your relationship with yourself.
Because as long as you love yourself and know that you have got your own back, there is no question of being a helpless victim who gets "dumped".